well, it’s out there. i was dragging my feet about launching my fundraising campaign because it meant posting to facebook which meant opening the flood gates which meant that this all would somehow be more ‘real.’ it’s been only 9 days since i was given the news that my cancer has progressed, and i feel, right now, like i am a character in one of my own movie scripts. like i am outside of myself looking in. and from where i stand, it looks like this chick, jen sotham, has a lot of amazing human beings in her life.
despite the time crunch, i’m starting this blog now because a lot of people have reported that it’s private and i suppose now, when the momentum is going, is the best time to let everyone know that i am dedicated to writing my way through this ordeal. my reasons for keeping this blog are many, but the main ones are: keeping everyone updated on what is happening with me, giving myself a place to chronicle the mental and emotional journey in a raw, honest way and, perhaps most importantly, to write about the medical and financial aspects in a way that can be accessible to others who may find themselves in similar situations.
for those of you who know me, you are probably shocked by the fact that i haven’t dropped a single f-bomb yet. for those of you who have found this blog through the you caring community or friends of friends – i should give you fair warning that i have a potty mouth (and also an aesthetic aversion to capital letters). i apologize in advance if any of my language or off color humor offends anyone… but i need to be me, now more than ever.
so far, i have little information beyond what it mentioned on the you caring campaign page. i had a PET scan on monday and will be getting the results of that during my last meeting with my oncologist here in korea, who happens to be an incredibly lovely man and more than competent doctor.
i have a great team at home working on figuring out the insurance thing. it seems like medicare might be my quickest route to full coverage, but once i return home and have all of the information laid in front of me, i will act under the advisement of friends and family members who are much more knowledgeable than i am about ‘those sorts of things.’ when i created the you caring campaign, i struggled with what number to put as my goal. the numner i came up with, while not exactly arbitrary (i have done some research on the cost of drugs that are used for my specific condition), is really a shot in the dark. if, by some crazy christmas miracle, i wind up fully covered for everything, please know that the money i received will be funneled into helping others dealing with melanoma.
the outpouring of support has erased any ambivalence i had about making this public. i am floored… FLOORED… by people’s generosity. i guess i assumed that most of the immediate response would be from close friends and family members, and i am shocked at how many people whose names i am unfamiliar with have stepped up to help out. while i’d love to spend a whole day responding to each and every message, and thanking each and every person who has donated, i do not have the luxury of a day to spare at the moment. and so here, i will say…
THANK YOU to every single person who has reached out, donated, offered advice, across many miles and many years. you have made me feel one thousand percent stronger – that much more determined to fight this mutherfkn battle with every ounce of my strength. you all have my eternal love and gratitude. i shall write more soon.
scoreboard: jen – like, alot! / cancer – eff off!